Saturday, December 18, 2010

Good Days and Bad Days

There have been more good days than bad days.  I used to say that about nursing in OB too. And it was true. There were days that my heart would just ache for a patient who maybe had a 38 week fetal demise and I would just wish a different outcome for them, and others were I would be completely overjoyed for them when they are able to conceive and deliver a healthy baby later on. Deployment ups and downs are a little different. Mainly because when I'm having a down day I feel like I'm having a pity party and like I'm being selfish. I try not to let a down moment turn into a down day though.  I allow myself a little bit of time to feel sorry for myself that I am forced to do something on my own, but I don't sulk about it all day. I can't cry everyday that I have a cold and am forced to drive myself to the doctor. Seriously, people have to do this all the time.  And I'm a pretty independent person, so I really should be comfortable doing this stuff.
But I think I forgot to take into account my husband having up days and down days.  Yes I now see how silly that is. But I'm a Marine wife, I see Marine wives all day (well, when I actually venture out of my hole). I listen to Marine wives go on and on about how their hubby's dont call them or tell them whats going on. Pretty much I have the female side in my face all the time, and I really don't see how the guys truly feel. Of course my husband tells me how much he misses me and loves me. But the other day he sounded a little more sad than usual (well as much as you can tell on IM). He told me he was just having a hard time dealing with missing me that day.  I was so surprised.  We are almost half way through this deployment, and I was never privy to him having any days like that. But of course it makes sense.  It made me very sad. I wish there was something I could do for him on days like that.  We are almost half way through, I can't believe we have made it this far. Before I know it, I will be getting ready to pick him up from the ramp.  But for now, I think we both feel the same. Its kinda like we are in the middle of the ocean. You look behind you and you can't believe you've swam this far, but you look ahead, and theres still no land in sight.  But I believe that there is, so we'll just take it one week at a time.


  1. That analogy totally rings true with my nursing school thus far. I feel at times like I want to stop or give up, and I feel like I shouldn't because I've come so far, but then I can't see the end yet so I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Uggh, I know that it’s not the same as your husband's deployment, so I'm sorry for comparing. Keep up trying to pump out a positive attitude it will get better! You are independent and powerful you can do this and will get through this okay!!

  2. thanks! no way, as a nursing student as well, i would totally have to agree with you! i know sometimes military wives have this air that no one knows what its like. well the same can be said for nursing students! nursing school has been harder for me in so many ways than being a Marine Wife has ever been. truthfully, its why nurses are so damn tough! they survived nursing school! if i ever met another RN or even nursing student that was also a Marine Wife....i think we could take on the world!