Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Pregnancy Induced Insomnia and Difficulty with Changing Roles...

31 wks 5 days

So one of the many downsides to being pregnant is the inevitable fact that in the third trimester, you WILL have to wake up to pee in the middle of the night at least once.  As if waking up during the very light and uncomfortable sleep you are getting wasn't enough, there is probably a 50/50 chance that you will not be able to fall back asleep. At least this has been the case for me for the last few days.  Honestly I can't blame all this on the pregnancy, the insomnia might have something to do with an upcoming homecoming.  And me waking up hungry. Irregardless (<--Marine Corps term), its beginning to get the best of me during my waking hours. 
In psych nursing I remember one of the NANDA diagnoses, its been really playing in my head lately.  It was something like, difficulty dealing with role changes. I couldn't quite understand it at the time, but I definitely get it now. I think I am having this problem.  This last week I have felt a dramatic shift in the role that my fellow Marine wives (the ones from my hubby's company that I've been hanging out with lately) are playing in my life currently. For the last 7 months or so I felt like they played a very important role in my support system and even daily life.  But this week I feel I'm distancing myself from them unintentionally.  And I kind of notice them doing it to me also.  The only explanation I can think of is that I'm trying to make room for my husband to take over that role again.  After all, it was his role originally before he left.  So I'm not sure why I'm having a difficult time with this transition back to the roles we had before. I think its that I'm feeling insecure about the change.  My husband left for the deployment about a month earlier than the rest of the guys.  Because of this and because there is baby in my tummy, he is coming home on the advanced party as well.  I am so grateful for this, because I have been missing him a month longer than the other wives have been missing their husbands, so I'm excited he'll be home earlier than the other guys.  But I didn't anticipate it being difficult to leave the wives behind sooner than they would have necessarily began to leave me behind.  And maybe it surprised me a little that I haven't been feeling as included with things with them lately.  Perhaps I'm looking too deep into this. Perhaps third trimester hormones and irritability coupled with lack of sleep is getting the better of me. Or maybe I need to do some psych nursing research on military relationships. But as I'm getting ready to dust off, clean up, and rearrange that space in my brain for the hubby to jump back in, I know the other wives are still about a month away from beginning to do that themselves. So I worry.  I worry that I will slip away in importance to them, and that jealousy and caddiness might overcome them in regards to me. I'm pretty sure that once my husband is actually home, I won't care about this any longer. But until then, I find myself just a little uneasy in this transition period.  I expected excitement and maybe a little impatience for time to go by faster so I could hurry up and be with my husband again, but I definitely didn't expect THIS feeling. 

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