Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Just 2 More Days

It has definitely been an event filled week.  A friend came in from Memphis to spend time with me.  I felt bad that due to pregnancy related symptoms, I was pretty much unable to show her around and do fun stuff.  But she really didn't seem to mind.  I really missed just having another person in the house.  It definitely helped me to not feel so preoccupied with how crummy I have been feeling.  I'm so glad that she chose to come and visit.
On an awesome note, I finally heard from the husband.  I have definitely been feeling better since I got to talk to him.  It was so nice to finally hear his voice after 20 something days! Then to get a skype date! It was so awesome to see those blue eyes!! I miss them sooooo much.  I also received some letters from him too, I think handwritten letters are the best to get.  I never know when they are coming.  Everyday I look forward to checking the mail.  I really see how much he thinks of me and I'm so glad to have him all to myself! He's so great!
On the baby front, things are going great.  And by great I mean I can't think about eating food without wondering if I'm going to puke, and waking up with nausea that lasts all day and all night, being exhausted beyond definition, and possibly being slightly irritable.  I was worried that this pregnancy might make this deployment difficult, but if anything, it has really taken my mind off it.  I do not worry about William.  Its not because I don't miss him or love him.  But because worrying about him isn't going to change anything.  Its not going to make him safer, or bring him home faster.  He has everything over there covered, and I trust him completely.  I trust that he knows what he is doing and that he will do everything in his power to come back to me safely.  I have had some small mini break downs though.  But they really haven't been about the hubby.  I remember crying in the shower thinking, "I just want to eat food".  It has been so frustrating on a whole other level.  I get hungry and nauseated all at the same time.  I'm really ready for this second trimester to get here.
Regardless, this week is a very big week for me.  On Thursday I'm going to be getting my first ultrasound.  I am still super nervous.  I just really want to see that heartbeat.  I want it more than I can even express.  But for some reason, my brain doesn't want me to get my hopes up.  I think it is a way to protect myself.  I almost expect something to be wrong.  But I know that if this ultrasound looks good, everything will be different.  I am kind of sad because I know that William is worrying about it too.  I tell him that I am confident that this is all going to be ok.  And I actually am.  This pregnancy has been totally different.  I have had every pregnancy symptom in the book.  But I know there is nothing that I can do to keep my husband from worrying about his baby.  So only two more days.  I can't wait to tell him our baby is ok.

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