Thursday, September 9, 2010

I Laugh to Keep from Crying

Apparently the spotting wasn't a little scare for us. We are one of about 40% of couples who have a pregnancy that ends in miscarriage. The last two weeks my husband and I have been dealing with this news emotionally and physically. I was 9 weeks gestation when I decided that the spotting was just not normal. I had a feeling that there was something more going on. When I called the naval hospital I was instructed that unless I was bleeding like a period or soaking a pad an hour there was nothing they could see on ultrasound. Being someone who worked in Obstetrics and Gynecology I knew this was not true. So I decided that after a week of spotting I was going to the ER out in town. There I received the news that our baby had developed only to 6 weeks, and there was no heart beat on ultrasound. I was all by myself in the emergency room in a town in the middle of the Mohave Desert. But the hardest thing I had to do was call my husband and tell him that we had lost our baby. He was in the middle of a month long training mission at Camp Wilson, but thankfully he was able to get emergency leave and able to come home to help take care of me. And no matter what the two male doctors told me, having a miscarriage is not like having a heavy period. I for sure would not have been able to do it on my own. William and I were very close before, and I truly didn't think it was possible for us to be any closer than we were. But he surprised me. He is such a wonderful husband and friend. But the word wonderful doesn't really match exactly how amazing he is. He transformed our living room into a huge bed. He took every pillow and blanket in the house including the papasan cushions and made a place for us to relax and watch movies. It was nice, especially since it was during the worst of the pain. He tickled my back and made me cookies and milk and he suffered through countless chick flicks without a protest. I am so lucky to have him.
On the other hand, there is the naval hospital. I hate to have to put them on I won't go into too many details. But all I have to say is that I am appalled by the way I was treated. Throughout this whole ordeal I have been seen by 2 ER doctors and 1 doctor out in town. The first ER doc I saw was out in town (because the OB clinic told me to just ignore my spotting). There I was able to receive an ultrasound. Two days after that visit I began to bleed more like a period, but nothing consistent. I was alone and scared and feeling dizzy. So I made the decision to go to the ER at the naval hospital. There is where I was given the best care. I saw Capt. Merry. He drew up some blood work to confirm my missed abortion (it is termed a missed abortion, because we found it before I began to pass everything). He then took the time to sit down and talk to me. He explained a lot about what he thought caused the miscarriage (chromosomal or genetic defect....nothing that could've been avoided). He then sat me down and explained what I should expect over the next week or so. He also gave me a little pep talk, he told me that he was confident that I could have a successful spontaneous abortion (which means that I could have the miscarriage and pass everything on my own without any surgical intervention). This made me feel better, because I was really unsure whether or not I could do it on my own, but I really didn't want to have a D&C. Capt. told me that he didn't want to do a D&C on me. We then discussed next steps. He told me that since I was not having a D&C my husband and I were free to start trying to get pregnant again as soon as I stopped bleeding. This was the best news! I was pretty neutral about getting pregnant the first time, but once I was I was so happy to be. I had really bonded with my baby in those 9 weeks. Then to have it all taken away was very hard. But it was even harder to think that I would have to wait until my husband came back from his deployment to try again. But Capt. told me that women are usually very fertile after a miscarriage, and that the chances of miscarriage are no higher than normal. He also said that odds were in our favor that the next pregnancy would go on completely normal and healthy. I left the ER that day feeling better. He instructed me to have a follow up ultrasound and to follow up with an OB doctor. Because the ultrasound at the naval hospital was not working he told me to go out in town to get one. So I did. Then hell began. I wanted to take the ultrasound results to be seen by an OB doc at the naval hospital. And I'm sure it would have been awesome. Except actually getting an appointment at the naval hospital is impossible. So after being treated extremely ugly and pretty much ignored and not taken care of. I decided to send all my results, ultrasounds, and office visit notes to my old boss (Dr. D - OB/Gyn). All I needed from the naval hospital was an OB doc to look at my most recent ultrasound and tell me that everything was good, my lining was normal, and I had successfully passed all products of conception so that I can move on and start trying again. Dr. D gave me the ok. I still havent heard back from the naval hospital about getting an appointment, so I have made the decision to change my primary provider to a doctor out in town. I have been in contact with an OB/Gyn in Palm Springs and I am going to get a referral to see them as my Gyn docs (or hopefully my OB docs) as soon as I can get a chance. Its nothing against the docs at the naval hospital.....100% of the docs I've ever seen there have been amazing. 50% of the nurses there have been awesome, but 100% of the receptionist or appointment schedulers have been rude, uncaring, and at times outright mean. I can't deal with that. I also can't deal with having a medical problem and the best they can do to get me an appointment is one that is a month away. So I'm going to take charge of my health care. I refuse to let some one with no medical experience dictate to me what I should do. If I have to go to the naval hospital ER to see a doctor when I need to be seen, I will. Whatever it takes.
So our plans for the future. My husband and I have a little over a month to try and get pregnant again. If its meant to be, then we will, if its not, then we will wait until he gets back. We are hoping for the best.


  1. I wish all the best for you and Billy, kin folk <3

  2. i'm so sorry for your loss :(
    i totally know how you feel about the naval hospital here. its ridiculous the waiting time and the receptionists are rude and plain ignorant.
    i wish you two all the best.

  3. it really is...i was sooo shocked at the way they treated me. i think i might try and see if there is someone i can talk to about the way they treat people.