Sunday, December 11, 2011

What Not to Say to a Marine Wife

I've actually seen a few of these going around. I think it's a popular milspouse blogger thing to do. I read them and usually laugh at them or totally agree with them. But in general they come off a bit snobby I think. So as I sat to write this I originally intended to list my own 10 Things Not to Say to the Wife of a Deployed Marine. I couldn't come up with 5 much less 10! I didn't want to use ones that have already been used. Like, "aren't you worried he's going to die?" or "at least he's only gone for 7 months" or the long list of a million other ones. Also I didnt want to come across as mean in my response (impossible). So I shortened my list. Here it is:

The One Thing Not to Say to the Wife of a Deployed Marine
1. Anything

The truth is there is absolutely nothing that you will say that we won't find fault in. I am very proud of my milspouse community and love the bonds that we share without even knowing each other. But it makes me sad that we see ourselves as so special that we think we deserve to make other people feel stupid for trying to be nice, or just trying to get an idea of how we live through this. I think as wives we should be more like ambassadors of this life. We should never make people feel dumb for saying something that they thought was encouraging. Now of course I'm not talking about those jerks who spit at us and call our husbands baby killers. I mean the average civilian that thinks they're saying something nice or asking a simple question not realizing that it's hurtful or silly. If we really think that we are special and elite compared to civilians, then perhaps we should act like it by being more understanding. I do realize that some of these things are said by family, but some are said by strangers. If you don't want a stranger to say anything, don't tell them! And let's work on a more positive list:

10 Things to Say to a Wife of a Deployed Marine
10. Thank you and your husband
9. You are going through this so well
8. If there's anything I can help with...
7. how's your hubby doing?
1. Hello (most importantly! I think some friends avoid us because they don't know what to say. Anything is good! We don't have to talk about only USMC stuff)
I'm still working on this list. But it's much easier to come up with than the other.


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  2. This is an awesome post! I think it's great that you're looking at the positive side of those kinds of comments rather than the negative side! I'm not a marine wife, I'm not even American, but I think you're a credit to the entire milspouse community! Thank you and your husband too! :D (Deleted my previous post b/c I forgot part of what I wanted to say!)